The next photos taken on the 5th Feb....wow! And I've been stable since in the joints. Don't get me wrong I still feel arthritic pain, still have stiffness, and still find it hard to do many things, I have many many wrinkles to iron out in my life still, and I have a lot of really bad lifetime damage done to my body... it will take time, each step forward and each lesson learned, each ah ha moment is momentous!
I can almost get my fingers interlaced all the way again. Maybe the knuckles will go down eventually. And prayer pose, you have no idea how happy I was to be able to do this!
It has been a real wake up call, a glimpse back to what my life used to be like...and quite confronting when I look at the photos. Especially remembering what it was like to wake up with this every morning, I know the moment my body does its little wake up movements, it startles me into semi wakefulness and my first thoughts are... ouch..this is going to be painful..and may hurt a little too.. lol! My thoughts when going to sleep through this last flare were quite fearful, knowing what waking would be like..a little sad really that it used to be so normal to me, I'd just accepted it and desensitised...
What is often the worst, and most debilitating to cope with because it can totally isolate me for ages... The brain fog, migraines, sensory overload, eyesight disturbance...nausea... I know it has to be a side effect too and will subside again, but once more, I lived this way always, I know it really hit around age 14, around the time I got psoriasis and was really sick with pleurisy. I was always sick, but the brain fatigue stuff, I never even picked up on it being unusual until now, again, it ALL went away for about 80 % of the time over the last year. Oh my gosh I could see, I could think, I felt alive! Came back with a bang with this flare, wow, that NOT normal... I didn't even realise how not normal it was! I am wondering if my symptoms are just a fog, sensory overload or migraine... I'm pretty sure now I have had migraines my whole life since I was a teenager without knowing it... for over 10 years I lived on a cocktail medication mix that makes me want to puke just thinking about it... but the point is, any pain would have been masked, but I had migraine symptoms always... I mentioned it to the doctors who always brushed it aside because of my bigger problems.
I've only had this halo twice... But have had many of the headaches below... Plus right eye pains.. Eye smudges... Hmmm.
So we are stepping up my wellness plan, now I realise how much an influence chemicals have we are overhauling our whole household cleaning, washing....everything routines! We already were careful with perfumes and strong smelling things, but there is way way more work! I'm imagining I'll be feeling a whole lot better in a months time! Until the next learning phase...which I don't really fear because I know it will help me iron out more wrinkles.
So, anyway, wow! This is why I will never give up, what keeps the truth of it all shiny and bright in front of me and keeps me over enthusiastic lol, sometimes I don't understand the process, but I'm certainly keeping faith in it! I remember the first time my hands looked good, just over a year ago now, I was in hysterics of happiness, squealing, disbelief, crying... it was a miracle... and feeling this way in my head again after it basically going away... honestly...I don't ever want to go back to living like that and I know I have the power to not only feel better, but thrive and do everything I ever wanted to do...all in good time... I sometimes feel like I'm jumping the hurdles, I miss most, but as I'm going down my brain is spinning with plans on how I can make the jump next time around.
Lucky for me all I ever wanted to do when I was young was work in the nutritional, naturopathic medical field, helping people, so working all of this out in myself is sort of my dreams turning back on me...there was a plan lol It all fascinates me, and my underlying passion spurs me on and in turn hopefully inspire others, even just a little and be able to help if I can, and maybe what I wanted to do when I grew up won't be far from the mark.
It really reinforces and refocuses my belief that it is EVERYTHING around us that can help or harm and we have not only the power, but a huge role to play in maintaining our own well-being. I don't think the learning will ever stop, but, I think it's amazing, and so encouraging, and at this moment I'm even more determined and inspired!
Thanks for taking the time to read xx S